Live Like a King

My brother has been in my dreams quite a bit lately.  I feel like he is speaking to me while I sleep.  It feels as if he is trying to get my attention to be some sort of a surrogate for him for his grandsons (he has two: Cullen, 3, and Crosby, 9 months).  He left them at the much too early age of 56 and never got to experience watching them grow into adulthood; he was to be known as G Daddy.  The boys would never really ever get to call him this.  Their paternal grandfather passed away as well in his late 40s, leaving them without the influence of a grandfather on either side.  I know this weighs heavily on my brother’s oldest daughter.

Listen to David narrate this blog on Spotify!

My brother passed away almost seven months to the day of his grandson’s third birthday on February 19 (he passed July 20, 2021).  My niece had written to me and asked if Adi and I would come Cullen’s third birthday party.  Knowing how important this was to her, we said we would do our best if our schedules permitted.

We were invited almost a month ago and as everyone knows, life has a way of sneaking up on us—sure enough, the birthday party was upon us this past Saturday.  Incidentally and quite cosmically, it fell one day before Adi and I would celebrate our 7^th anniversary together.  Adi asked me if I would be her “Yes, And” man to celebrate our anniversary weekend.  This means saying “yes” to her ideas without resistance.  I, of course, said “yes!”  I was all hers for the weekend, I told her.

We awoke Saturday morning after having just returned from visiting her mother and grandfather in Galveston .  We had driven all day the previous day to get back home, but this wasn’t stopping Adi from getting into the car again to head south to Austin for the day for Cullen’s birthday extravaganza.

“It’s Cullen’s birthday and I think it’s important that we go to his party.  Your brother would want us to be there.”

I had to admit, I had forgotten about the birthday party, but I knew in my heart Adi was right.  As I mentioned, my brother has been in my dreams quite a bit lately.  It feels as if he is sending me messages from the astral to represent him with his brood.  It felt really right to go to this birthday party.  This is a total departure for me; everyone in my family would be quick to tell anyone who would listen that I’m really not the “3-year-old birthday party” kind of guy.  In this case, I knew it was time that I became that guy.  This wasn’t so much for me—it was for my brother who couldn’t be there.

I really can’t believe he’s gone.  I can’t believe I will never talk to him again.  It’s hard to imagine that I will never hear another one of his stories or “get rich quick” schemes (he had a lot of them).  Mostly, I can’t believe he will never experience watching his grandsons grow into adulthood.  There are so many “no mores” that it illustrates to me how quick and fragile life can be.  Going to this birthday party became a mission to me.  I wanted to go to represent him.  I wanted to hold space for his spirit while I experienced in body what he couldn’t.  I was going as a surrogate grandfather (how the hell did I ever get this old?!).

The next item on Adi’s and my checklist was a gift; what could we get a young 3-year-old boy that might somehow impact him in the coming years; a gift that could remind him of the grandfather that he would truly never know.  A toy seemed too obvious and obtuse.  Money seemed too impersonal.  A card would be cast aside, never to be seen or heard from again.  How can we in some way give this young boy a glimpse of his grandfather in the future?  Adi had ideas (she always does).

“How about we give him some bills and coins from the various foreign countries we have been around the world?  We could also give him some crystals that we have collected from around the world, and you could write him a story.  Let’s give him a dream for the future that will always remind him of his grandfather,” Adi said.  “It won’t have impact on him now, but one day, in the future, it will.”

She was right.  I went to my passport and pulled out all of the paper Euros that we had from our last trip to Europe (roughly 120) and I gathered all of our coins from our trip to Costa Rica last year; Adi collected six of our crystals we acquired in foreign countries while I got to work writing Cullen his birthday letter (read the letter below); Adi wrapped up the “treasures” we were going to gift young Cullen King; perfect teamwork.  Who knew this would become a memory for Adi and me as well on our 7th anniversary together?  Who would have ever guessed this might become more our memory than anyone else’s.  Funny how that works sometimes.

Live Like a King

Even though Adi and I both knew that this gift wouldn’t really resonate with Cullen for several years (if ever), we also understood that it might make an impact with his young mother right now; the same young mother who lost her father only seven short months ago.  This became almost like a time-travel gift—a gift for his mother now and Cullen in the future.  I knew it would eternally be a gift for my brother who was looking down from above with a smile on his face.

This was how I could carry on the legacy of my brother.  I could become Uncle Grandpa (this is what Cullen’s mom called me at the birthday party).  I could hold space for not only my brother but the boy’s paternal grandfather as well.  This is family.  This is stepping into becoming a surrogate guide to those that have lost the foundations of their family tree.  This is a living Sadhana (read about Sadhana here).

We packed up the car and headed south to Austin.  We showed up at the birthday celebration.  We stepped into the chaos that is a three-year-old’s birthday party and something amazing happened—I actually enjoyed it.  I remained present as I surveyed the young parents doing their very best to manage the bedlam that was unfolding before my very eyes.  I gave thanks that I was able to be here on my brother’s behalf.  I gave thanks for him and all that he had done for me in my life, almost too innumerable to mention.  I gave thanks for my own children.  I gave thanks that we had grown years beyond the time of 3-year-old birthday parties. I gave thanks that after an hour and a half I was free to leave.  I gave thanks for Adi.  She has been my rock for the last seven years.  Mostly, I just…gave thanks…This life is a wonderful ride—

Letter to Cullen on His 3^rd Birthday:

We write this to the future Cullen and the man you will become.  Know in your heart that everything you desire to achieve is not only possible but is an absolute probability when you believe with all your heart that you can accomplish anything that you set your mind to…

We gift you this money from foreign lands; the only way any of these bills and coins will be of any value to you will be if you choose to depart on a journey to explore the world seeking new adventures. Enclosed also are six treasures from all over the world.  We found these magical stones on our foreign travels, and we know that when you depart on your journey in life you will discover many of your own treasures.  We wish you so many magical adventures!

Finally, we have enclosed some Secret Blue Butterfly kindness cards.  Always remember that when you spread kindness to the people around you it will always return to you exponentially!  The more you give, the more you will receive.  Never forget this very powerful law of the Universe.

These gifts come to you from your grandfather as well who always believed anything is possible if we only believe in ourselves and claim our dreams as our birthright.  G Daddy will always be watching over you and guiding you if times ever appear challenging.  Go take on the world and leave it a little better than you found it.  Spread kindness in your grandfather’s name and show the world you are a King.

With love always,

Uncle David and Aunt Adi

To hear this blog narrated click the link below: